Prince Concert Setlist at The Forum, Inglewood on April 21, 2011 | setlist.fm

Prince Concert Setlist at The Forum, Inglewood on April 21, 2011 | setlist.fm

Prince Concert Setlist at The Forum, Inglewood on April 14, 2011 | setlist.fm

Prince Concert Setlist at The Forum, Inglewood on April 14, 2011 | setlist.fm

End of an Era

Well tough week here on the old home front. I scraped my car against a wall on Wednesday and now have to get an estimate and go thru the process of getting the car repaired. I have an appointment to get an estimate on Saturday, Whee, just how I want to start my weekend. I told the truth to the insurance, and I get some smarty pants adjuster who has to twist the knife in my back with " Oh you do understand that this is a collision and you are at fault" I worked for an insurance company for over 10 years and "Duh" I hit something and I am at fault. I have to wonder what she would say if I was in a 5 car pile up on the 101 freeway with bodies strewn everywhere! Sheesh! I could have said it was a hit and run or something dumb, but I didn't want to deal with lies. They have a way of biting you in the ass when you least expect it. I know I made a mistake and that is why I pay for auto insurance for the unexpected issues of life.

Yesterday, we had to make the tough decision to put my ferret Noah to sleep. I had three of them, Cosmo, Newman and Noah. The first two were my anniversary present and Noah was my Christmas present. I got him on Christmas Eve and we hid him in the bathtub of the Palace Station in Las Vegas. We called them my illegal aliens as California does not allow you to buy ferrets for really stupid reasons. We lost Cosmo just before we moved in April, Newman died the day after Thanksgiving and Noah was headed to the Rainbow Bridge rather shortly. The sad things about these guys is they have short life spans, only 2-7 years. Mine were all 5. When I got them the guy said they like to be with more than one and that three is the optimum number. So three it was. Noah was the last and I really think he was lonely and just was giving up on life. He was lethargic and yesterday he couldn't walk. I gave him a bath and tried to make him comfy. But Brendan and I knew it was only a matter of time and I didn't want him to suffer.

We found a Pet ER and asked to have him put to sleep. When my pet dies at home I can handle it so much better. They went on their terms and not mine. I do not enjoy playing God deciding when an animal should die. The vet office was very nice and understanding. I guess they would have to be with a sobbing woman in the office! I couldn't stay with him to the very end and I don't even think he knew we were even there as he was so out of it. Brendan had to sign the form as I was a wreck. I know it is for the good but it still sucks. Coming home and taking his cage apart and seeing a large vast opening just reminds me of the energy that is no longer in my house or my life. They definitely without a doubt were the most comical and amazing creatures I have ever owned. I will miss them dearly. A sad close of a happy chapter in my life. RIP Noah.

Time to be new again...

Well, the New Year has finally arrived and all things get to be new again- resolutions, relationships and good intentions. How long they will last, I am not sure. One thing I am sure of is, the effort it takes to start over. Fear keeps us trapped so tightly and the New Year is a way of breaking out and making a fresh path. I find it a time to reflect on who I am, what I do and to whom I really matter to. I don't really make resolutions but rather an agreement to try to be a better person, not only to others but to myself as well. I am my own worst enemy and this is the time of year where I put up a truce with myself in hopes I will go easier on me in the New Year. It doesn't always work because each year I seem to do it again, but the alternative to stay cemented in anger and ugliness is just not acceptable to me.

So, let's start again, and again and again if that is what it takes. I plan to make 2011 a really momentous year. How about you?

Needing to catch my breath

Well, I see I haven't been missed much. Not one follower. I guess I shouldn't be surprised but I always am. Wanting to be accepted is part of why humans do what they do. I am no different.

Things are pretty much the same old, same old. Go to work, come home, repeat. I keep hoping for a positive change, but so far no such luck. I feel as if I am living my life in reverse. I had the good paying job, vacations and all the things one works a lifetime to achieve. But here I am in my mid 40's with a new house (which I really don't want in a city that I hate) and my poor husband working 3 jobs to pay for it. WTF! What exit did I take to make all this ass backwards, I guess I really want to know.

Just got home from a Halloween get together where I felt I didn't quite belong. When I was young, I wasn't known as the popular one, the smart one or even the athletic one. I was lucky to have one person who would put up with me and call me a friend. My best friend now is my husband, for which I would never in a million years change that. We are two peas in a pod. We have people in our lives that I would call friends, but when we all get together, sometimes this overwhelming feeling comes over me that makes me feel as if I cant breathe. There is this wall that surrounds me and I find myself turning inward in isolation, while the festivities around me continue. I feel as if I am an outsider looking in. I see the looks in my friends eyes of pity and I know I don't belong. I cant wait for the evening to end so that I can regroup and take a breath. The feeling is worse than thinking you are a third wheel. I already know that I AM a third wheel and question why these people want me to join them. I guess I am too straight laced, boring and narrow minded for most. But I continue to try to convince myself that I am just like everyone else that I can fit in. That I am special and have a lot to offer other people. Nights like tonight remind me that I am not special and I don't have much to offer compared to others. Such is the way it goes I gather...... off to bed, work beckons.

Another year older...

Well, yesterday was my 47 th birthday. I used to look forward to my "special day" with such enthusiasm. I worked at jobs where I was able to take the day off "just for me day" I love birthdays because it is the one day of the year that is exclusively your holiday. I know you share it with a bunch of other people but it is "your day" I tell people that I really am a 4th of July baby (cuz its my favorite holiday!) but that I was too lazy to come out for another 3 weeks!

Last year I started a job 10 days before and I didn't want to ask for time off. It was the only time in my life where I worked my birthday. I waited until the end of the day and turned to the woman who sat behind me and said " Today is my birthday" for which she loudly exclaimed "What! you worked all day and didn't say a word to anyone that it was your birthday" I sheepishly smiled and went home. Couldn't tell you what I did, it was so memorable.

This year I decided to take another day off next week so that I can go to the Ventura County Fair and be white trash or as I like to be referred to as a dirt track date! I headed off to work to find my desk decorated with purple and hot pink streamers. Another person who decorates made sure to get my date on her calendar and I think she has been waiting for her opportunity to make up for last years empty desk! It seemed like every time I walked away something else showed up on my desk. First, it was flowers , then a present, then a card, cupcakes, more cards it was awesome and a bit overwhelming. I didn't think that people liked me much, since I hardly talked to anyone the first 6 months I worked there. I went to lunch with my walking buddies and again, a present then another present. I honestly was dumbstruck by the generosity of these people. I often think of myself as a pain in the ass, but they must know something that I don't because they showed me such affection. I really don't like when people fake it, ya know, like they are doing it more for them than showing you how much you are honored and how much you mean to them. Those kind of people I feel sad for because they really shouldn't bother if they don't mean it. Why waste the energy? For both of us, ya know? This was not that type of group.

After a bunch of hugs and well wishes I headed for home. Dinner with my hubby and the dog, then a chance to sit at the beach was my plan. The beach was really cold so we headed home. I wanted to round up everyone for a night of Karaoke, but canceled as it wasn't working out the way I had envisioned. I heard my phone ring and then ring again. On my phone was one of the Karaokers who was at the Golden China ready to party. My husband brings his phone to which my friend has sung Happy Birthday and was demanding I show up. I was ready to crawl into bed and call it a night, satisfied that my day was awesome.

We went to Karaoke. My other friends the musicians have been in Tacoma on tour and were headed home and they had texted me asking for my address to mail something to me. Lo and behold THEY SHOWED UP! I almost wet myself with shock when they walked in. They drove 16 hours to get there just for me. I still cant believe it. Really? For me? Yep. If I didn't go sing, they were coming to my house! God I have some unbelievable friends. I will be able to tell you what I did for this birthday because it was one amazing ride, with a cast of characters that would blow your mind.

The most unbelievable part- They all did it for me. Wow, what a life...

Following the Trail.....

I know, I know, I have been absent for awhile. I will try to do better. Time keeps slipping through the hourglass much more quickly than I realize.

Whats new? Well the fountain out front is up and the screens have finally been repaired. Yes, the dog still stays on a rope tied to the tree in the back. Still don't trust him not to destroy the repair work. I have not gotten around to tackling the garage. I guess I really don't want to know about all the crap I moved and should not have! LOL. So most of our stuff is still in the garage in a box. We will need to work on that too I guess.

My biggest issue that has been and continues is the ants. Living near open fields all kinds of critters seem to show up, but the ones I am fuming over is the black stream of flowing ants. I really, really hate ants. I feel all itchy and they freak me out. When they are on the outside, not so bad but inside that is a different story. I have spent a fortune on ant traps (which they proceed to run over and under and around) ant spray and dicroic acid. That seems to work the best but not the most pet friendly. I was so desperate I was keeping Windex around to spray the bastards! Again not very pet friendly. The cat and dog food has to be in closed containers because they get over run by the sea of black. The birds room has been an issue because I cant do much there, they need to eat. I wish I knew where they were coming from to try to stop them. I no sooner get one trail gone then 3-4 days later another one shows up. A constant and frustrating battle to say the least. If I would have my way, I would call Vexcon and the coolest exterminator I know of....